Are You Stuck?

In this experience of emotional abuse there are several places where you may be in danger of becoming stuck. Let’s address three of these for your careful consideration and soul searching,

1) In the Abusive Relationship – Not knowing what type of abusive partner you are with,

• one with full-blown pathology and a personality disorder (s) or,
• one with traits of a disorder, or a covert narcissist who is more “discreet” and not as outwardly obvious, or
• a malignant narcissist who is more aggressive with a sadistic streak as well as a poor sense of self and a lack of empathy
• a sociopath or psychopath

It will be difficult because you don’t know what you are up against and you have to come to terms that there are really people like this.

Once you begin waking up to what you are dealing with, real fear can set in and the decisions about what to do next can be overwhelming. It can become even more complex with children, financial concerns, or the pain of being in love with this person. Above all, seek safety. Seek professional or a qualified wellness coach who in trained in emotional abuse and personality disorders to help you find your truth and clarity. The more you learn to trust your truth and yourself the more freedom you will begin to feel.

2) In Your Grief

There is tremendous grief within an emotionally abusive relationship and in the recovery of one.
Within the relationship the hurt and the negative surprises inflicted by a partner’s crazy making behaviors cause grief. Especially, when they claim to love, you and make you feel like the fights and conflicts are your fault.

Ending an emotionally abusive relationship for your, and your children’s health and preservation is grief filled. The loss of a dream, perhaps and intact family, navigating a major change, and the need to face recovery are just a few examples of grief after the ending of

In a grief process we must keep moving forward through the natural and normal waves and rhythm of grief. This can include the emotions of sadness, anger and guilt. Without a knowledge of the process of healthy grieving and good support to help you move through it is very possible to become stuck, bitter, and angry.

3) Trauma

• The hard facts about emotional abuse researched by Sandra Brown MA and her team, state that 90% of survivors have some form of trauma-like symptoms and 50-75% of them have full blown PTSD or C-PTSD (abuse upon abuse). It is very difficult to move forward if not impossible with trauma. When our autonomic nervous system takes over to protect us when the impact of what has happened is threatening either emotionally or physically to the system, emotions freeze.

The frozen pieces stay in the body and in the brain. Examples of trauma for an emotional abuse victim are many. The cognitive dissonance formed out of the trauma bond are typically the hardest to heal. My certification in Brainspotting, developed out of EMDR, is very effective to help the trauma unthaw and release. A professional trained in trauma recovery will be able to direct your recovery to help. Other symptoms caused by the trauma of emotional abuse may include short-term and long-term effects on the body and brain. 

With short-term effects you may feel:

• shame
• hopelessness
• fear
• confusion

Emotional effects may lead to physiological effects:

• moodiness
• aches and pains
• muscle tension

The long term effects on the body and brain can become more severe the longer the abuse continues and cause:

• chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome or other “mysterious” illnesses that there seems to be no cure to
• insomnia
• social withdrawal
• anxiety
• feelings of being a failure and a loser

These symptoms are not totally inclusive to what the victim of emotional may feel in a trauma response. Listen to your body. It will tell you when to pay attention and take care of yourself. Don’t let this insidious abuse take your health and life from you. You matter and so do your children.