Codependency or Super Traits?

Have you heard of super traits? Have you heard of superpowers? Well, you may have some. If you have experienced emotional abuse, and are not codependent, you most likely do, because you possess qualities that are attractive. Qualities that the abuser may even want for himself.

So, when we discuss codependence we also need to discuss super traits. We often hear about codependents being good prey for narcissists and there is truth to this. The narcissist and the codependent are often drawn to each other, but before you label yourself let’s look at it more closely.

At the root of the codependency is the symptom of poor self-esteem. 

Therefore, the cure/recovery for codependency is the return to loving yourself. The learned behaviors of codependency are created in an emotionally dysfunctional family system or in an alcoholic or addicted family. 

Other possible characteristics of codependency are the following:

• people pleasing
• poor boundaries
• reactivity
• caretaking
• control
• dysfunctional communication
• obsessive thoughts
• dependency issues
• denial
• problems with intimacy

If you get so locked into what another is feeling and neglect your own feelings, or do not even know what you are feeling this is a likely core indicator for codependence.

Sandra Brown M.A. ( Women Who Love Psychopaths ) in her current research found that most survivors did not test as codependents which is new information for the field of counseling psychology. Codependence can not be discounted however — the take away is to work with a professional who understands first the aftermath of emotional abuse and who knows how to use the latest research to treat the recovery of the damage done by the pathological unconscious person.

If you have had lifelong battles with self-esteem, boundaries, trust, speaking up for yourself, historical anxiety and grew up in a family where you learned how to make others happy to get your childhood needs met you may have coped by becoming codependent. In this case learning to love yourself, heal your trauma and recover your innocence, is the right path. Unhealthy codependence creates unhealthy relationships and you striving too hard to get your needs met, so do your work learn more mature ways of relating.

Do you possess super traits?

If you possess the following super traits of agreeableness, cooperativeness, conscientiousness, and self-directness and felt you were a normally functioning individual before your toxic relationship hear this… high normal rankings in the super traits place a woman at high risk for being a target of a pathological toxic person.

One woman, the one with traits of codependence, has low self esteem and likely does not love herself in a healthy way. She struggles with dependency issues from childhood. The other woman is more confident and very loving and giving and knows and loves herself well enough. However, both of these women, being very different, are at risk for being duped by a narcissist. This is very important if you have been the victim of emotional abuse.

Finding a professional therapist or wellness coach who is educated in the latest research and trauma treatment can help you understand and heal yourself. Educating yourself, in recovery, about emotional abuse and what you’ve been up against will ensure that you will grow in wisdom and self-awareness and transform through the experience.